Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Mediocrity

Today I'm asking myself if I'm OK with being mediocre. I've had more than one acquaintance jump out of an airplane in the last month. Many more are preparing for their first child. I'm not a thrill-seeker, but wait...yep I might be.

I hate roller coasters. My dad took me on the Zambezee Zinger (remember that Worlds Of Fun awesomeness?) when I was five and I vowed at that tender age never to "go on that again". Precious. I have ridden one other roller coaster since then, but seriously, it's not my thing.

I have no desire to jump out of an airplane either. I really don't have a death wish. It's not something thrilling to me.

Does that make me boring?

I took the "What does Jesus think about you?" facebook quiz and it said Jesus thinks I'm boring. Am I really? I mean if facebook Jesus said so...

I've never been the social butterfly. I get anxiety about meeting new people. I am perfectly happy in my comfort zone (which may be about as big as my new closet, i.e. very, very small). But I love deeply and I care about peace and justice in the world. If you step into my closet, you will be loved and you will get to know my brutally honest self, who would do anything for you.

But for some reason I come down hard from anticipation. We just moved into our house and it was something I wanted so badly! Now it's just kind of...meh... I love my house and I'm happy to be there, but my brain is like...what's next? Maybe it's a patience issue, but maybe it's just my way of looking for the next thrill. I may not need airplanes or roller coasters, but I find myself needing something to look forward to. That's honesty. I don't want to live on thrills. It fights with my socially awkward, content side.

I'm really not sure what I'm trying to say anymore. The rambling may have taken over. Maybe I'm seeking answers, maybe I just need a hug, but today is a rough day and I'm trying to figure out why.