New Automobile

Because Glenn's car was near death, and the availability of Honda Fits is ridiculous, we went with this nice little number two weekends ago. :) It is our first big grown-up purchase on our own and it's fab. Of course now I have to learn to drive a stick if I ever want to drive it. It is a blue Mazda 3i Sport. Yippee!

Why we love

Just got back from a show in Austin for work. (Erin, I flew into Dallas twice, so I'm sure I picked out your house. lol) I managed to get through to the last chapter of my latest Nicholas Sparks book At First Sight. I was so anxious that I could not finish it on my flight back today, but as I know his books so well, I didn't not want to be a blubbering, sobbing wreck on the plane. :) So, I waited until tonight. Glenn is at a session and it was the perfect time to finish. Only took me about 10 minutes, but I spent most of it bawling, of course. His books always make me think about life and love and tragedy. This time I wondered, why do we love so vehemently when we could lose it at any second? We never know what is going to happen in life and the thought of losing people in my life scares me to death. Perhaps I worry too much about it. I mean, if you're too scared to lose love, you'll never fully embrace it.

I have faced tragedy in my life. At 15, my friends and I experienced the loss of a friend to cancer that will forever bond us and still makes me cry to this day. I have written about it many times, but looking back I always see how she changed my life. I realize, maybe for the first time, that her life was about so much more than tragedy and the sadness we all felt following her death.

I do love passionately and that may be why I am so afraid to lose it. I don't know how to be without love. I buy a dog, love him, nurture him, laugh because of him, only to know that one day I will weep uncontrollably when he dies.

I often have nightmares about losing my family or friends and I don't know how to deal with those when I wake up. I want children so badly, but seeing tragedy in other people's lives and knowing that anything could happen to a child sometimes deters my spirit. How could I bring something into the world that I know I will love so much and possibly lose? Or that something could happen to one of us? But I know that any parent would say tragedies were worth every smile from that child's face; and the love we feel in any amout of time with that child far surpasses the sadness we may feel.

I had to accept death from what seems like such a young age now, but accepting something and understanding it are totally different. I will never understand death. I've quoted C.S. Lewis' saying many times in my life, but he once said that death is foreign to us because we were created to be eternal beings. Why I hold on to this statement, I don't know. But possibly, it makes some sense of the unknown and offers me some sort of peace about the future.

Fish!

Anyone in the area want some baby fish? I have three fish about to give birth (two guppies and one dalmation molly). They're probably a couple weeks away, but wondered if anyone was interested. I don't want them to get eaten and I can't keep all of them, so let me know! Of course this is all assuming I catch them giving birth before they eat them all!

Revival

I think God has really been opening me up the past couple of months. It's a strange experience when you think you're doing fine and although you have had more down times than usual, you feel like you're trying to go the right path. But lately I've realized my life could be so much more. Our church has played a huge part in God working on me. It is everything I think I could ever hope for in a church. From the moment we stepped into that family, we have felt accepted, loved, encouraged and strengthened.

I used to think all the babies being produced in our church had something to do with the water, but after a year I can say that the love this church surrounds children with makes me confident about bringing a baby into it. It is an environment that blesses children and they will always know they are cared for. That is invaluable. I desperately want that for my children.

I've also been challenged a lot by Pastor's preaching. His style is deeply rooted in the Bible and he has walked us through many passages that have opened my eyes and my heart to many things. I have not had that since college.

The biggest things my church encourages me to do is serve. I'm not the best at social situations and I get a bit of anxiety, but I can feel God speaking to me (again, finally!) about where my talents should be used. I know it's God because I'm always taken aback at my immediate volunteering to do things! I do them without thinking now. We are trying to start ESL classes at our spot in the mall and with the foreign population that walks that mall every day, I think it could take off. My experience in Spanish and desire to understand other cultures better made me jump at the chance! I know it will be a blessing in my life.

I've also been immersed in a wonderful book called The Faith Club. It was written by three women: a Christian, a Muslim and a Jew. After 9/11 they got together to discuss their faiths and write a childrens' book about the similarities in their religions. It is fascinating. I have an amazing Muslim friend whom I met in college. She and I instantly connected because of our shared values and beliefs. She is very dear to my heart and a constant challenge to my spirit. I started reading this book because of her. I wanted to know more about the average Muslim, not the radicals we hear about in the news or the terrorists our government is constantly trying to convince us to fear, but those who practice real, true Islam. A lot of stereotypes are covered; the book is very helpful. I recommend it highly! I still have many chapters left, but I expect to be enlightened even further and learn so much about other people.

I'm really just tired of the world being segregated. Last Sunday Pastor was walking us through his plans for the next five years since it was the church's five-year anniversary. He touched on the fact that people of all races are welcome in our church. It took me aback at first like it shouldn't even be something that needs to be said! But it does. I want to be a part of a multi-cultural community/family and I think we're doing our best.

At any rate, God is working on me like never before and I think I'm ready for the attitude change I will go through.

Blue Duck Invitations

Because people keep asking me for samples of my work, I simply started a Myspace page showing my work *crossing my fingers that it's not illegal or anything*! Check it out at http://www.myspace.com/blueduckinvitations

And pass it on!! Gracias!

My home

For the first time during a vacation, I missed Kansas. I appreciate beauty pretty much anywhere I travel and Arizona is one of the most beautifully diverse states I have ever seen; but I can understand why people usually end up back where they grew up. All my life I fantasized about living somewhere else. Some place exotic and NOT Kansas. Forever I thought Kansas was boring and uninspired. Now, I can't say that it is all that exciting, even to this day, but it will always be my home. Flying out of Phoenix we saw rows and rows and rows of houses, all crammed together with maybe two feet between them. The ground was covered as far as I could see. That was not home. I kept watching out the plane window to see sights of Kansas. Finally, the clouds cleared and I started to see open farmland and homesteads sometimes miles away from the next. This is home. Open land, trees, green, comfort, peace, security. I was longing to come home more than usual this time. I missed Kansas and it's nice to be back. Now if Colorado welcomed me with open arms... :)

Nothing is free

I guess I'm still learning this concept as we believed that if we drove all the way to the Cheesecake Factory, fought to find a parking spot and wrestled our way through the line that we'd actually get that yummy cheesecake for $1.50/slice. It was CF's 30-year anniversary; I checked it out on Snopes and everything! But alas, when we reached the front of the line, they said it was dine-in only. Bummer. Guess I didn't need cheesecake anyway.

Font humor

I know only a select few will appreciate this, but it's too funny!
http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1823766

One Amazing Saturday

This past Saturday we saw the Dark Knight in the morning and then the Foo Fighters at night. It was a wonderful day! I was riveted by The Dark Knight and absolutely think Heath deserves an Oscar nod, no matter what other critics say. It was a fantastic movie, very true to the original comics. It was a very dark movie, but it went very deep with twists, turns and the internal struggles of the characters. I just thought it was fabulous and won't say anything to ruin it for those who haven't seen it. But if you haven't...get out there and see it! Our theater in Olathe has $5 tickets M-Th!

As for the Foo Fighters, it was our first time seeing them and I found that Dave Grohl is a genius and an incredible frontman. What if he had never come out from behind the drums of Nirvana? His ability to work the crowd and make everyone have fun is spectacular! More than half-way through the concert, they walked this long catwalk down to a circular stage that dropped down from the ceiling! We didn't even see it coming! They did a whole acoustic set from there with seven people and it was just awesome. I probably lost a little bit of hearing and a few brain cells, but it was a great show. We had floor passes and Glenn was elated to go down close and see all the equipment. He's so knowledgeable and really fun to go to concerts with because he knows so much. I just love him so dearly. He's so cool! haha

Scrimping

Being on a tight budget is never fun, but it is a huge lesson in discipline and test of our wills. Lately, we have been trying to find free or cheap things to do and eat and we've had some luck! This week, Myspace and Sonic hosted a free screening of The Rocker (Rainn Wilson), which was great! They only did this screening in five cities and wouldn't you know it just happened to be in our city and at our theater. We had a great time! We also found that we could eat HyVee Chinese food (which we love!) for $6 total! We shared and it was more than enough food. We share a lot because portions are ridiculous these days! Other things we can share for $5...Subway footlong, Quiznos sub and Dominos pizza! I love saving money. Last night we used our coupons from Sonic from the free screening and had two sundaes for $2 total! Ahh, life is good.

Tomorrow we will venture out to see Batman and hope it's not too crowded. We are going early so it only costs $5/ticket instead of $8! Then, it's off to see the Foo Fighters for $10 (parking) thanks to our wonderful brother Nate! That's right...free Foo Fighters, eat it up. :)

On another note, I finally got to use our re-useable grocery bags from Target and they are fabulous! Yay for being "green"!

More later on ways we're saving money on necessities.